He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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