my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
