In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
