Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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