Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
