i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize