kristin has been a bad kristin
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Michael Bay diarrhea
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
