you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
