i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
