I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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