my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
