There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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