so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
