I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
What a dumb baby whore.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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