Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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