the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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