so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
