I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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