Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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