i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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