There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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