I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
