'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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