So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize