He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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