I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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