I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
