all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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