They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
