i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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