No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize