Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
