and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We have started to decorate penises.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
