I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
