i was rollin on her like bob the builder
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
