Yo dont text me then not text me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
