i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
