I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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