Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you had me at cake vodka
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
