would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
