dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
