grandma shit on top of the toilet
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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