I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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