the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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