So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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