I'm so fucking centered right now
More tranny stories later!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
