she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
