I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
