oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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