We named our party play list daddy issues
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you win again, gameday.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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