erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
