Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize