Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
