I feel like I'm in dance class right now
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
