You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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