you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
