Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
