When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
