when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
