Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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