so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
