happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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