It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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