tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
