I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
