Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
