i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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