we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
