Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
