If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
