I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
