We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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