We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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