why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
