I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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