I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
All the doctor said was why
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
