what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
