Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
