They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
