ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
