Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
