the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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