Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You can't special order awesome
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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