Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
