Got a toothbrush?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
ttyl tear gas
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Randomize