there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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