had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
