Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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