I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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