M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
