Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
