I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
