They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
