The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
