How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
