No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
