I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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