Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
