a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
